The Sassy, Gay Friend of Duke Venomania
by Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin
Summary: Meet Duke Venomania from the tragic love story The Madness of Duke Venomania. He is about to be killed by a crossdresser who wants his girlfriend back. This fate could have been avoided if he had a Sassy, Gay Friend. Oneshot.


**Author's Note: **So, earlier tonight, I was watching the PV for "The Madness of Duke Venomania" on Youtube. Everything was fine and dandy, until I got to the part where they had the second list of missing people. I paused the video to see what Vocaloid females ended up in Gakupo's harem, when, something catches my eye -

Yuki Kaai - a NINE-YEAR OLD Vocaloid - was in his harem. No kidding. Because of that discovery, this one-shot was born.

**Warnings: Some heavily implied Big Al x Leon, the fact that Yuki Kaai was in Duke Venomania's harem, and Sassy, Gay Friend!Big Al.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "The Madness of Duke Venomania", the Vocaloids, or Sassy, Gay Friend.**

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><p>It was another day for the harem of Duke Kamui Sateriajis Venomania Gakupo and the duke himself. On this day, the harem and the duke did what they did best - lounging around a pimping throne and waiting for the new harem member.<p>

"Meet Duke Venomania from the tragic love story _The Madness of Duke Venomania_. He is about to be killed by a crossdresser who wants his girlfriend back. This fate could have been avoided if he had a Sassy, Gay Friend," The narrator explained. Just then, Big Al, wearing a sparkly, peach scarf, entered the mansion.

"What are you doing? What, what, WHAT are you doing?" Big Al asked Gakupo. Gakupo and his harem grew silent.

"We're waiting for the next lovely lady that will join my harem," Gakupo said with a sexy smile. Off in the distance, fangirls not part of the harem fangirled over this smile.

"Lovely lady? You already have, like, about ten of them! There's a point where you have to say, 'I have enough women, so, let's stop picking random girls and women off of the streets just so they could love me'," Big Al explained.

"But, it's my curse AND my gift. My handsome looks bring in all of the ladies," Gakupo defended calmly.

"Look, Duke Venomania, these women are too shallow! They only came here because you looked like the sexiest man alive! I mean, that's not how I met Leon!" Big Al ranted.

"So... They only love me because i'm beautiful?" Gakupo asked Big Al, who slapped him across the face.

"Okay, women and sex are clouding up your brain a bit too much. Maybe I should put you on the VH1 show Tough Love so you can learn about proper relationships," Big Al explained.

"But, I only love the beautiful women God graced me with," Gakupo interjected.

"Look, Dukie, it's okay to experiment once in a while. That's how I met Leon," Big Al explained.

"Well, if this Leon person you speak of is good in bedrooms, then, let's go meet him," Gakupo said.

"Good for you, you stupid - Excuse me? Is that a child?" Big Al ranted before he spoted a little girl named Yuki Kaai playing with some dolls.

"Yes, that is a child. She's an orphan I legally adopted," Gakupo explained (which meant that he was most likely lying). With an angry huff, Big Al flipped his scarf over his shoulder.

"Okay, this is where I draw the line! What were you thinking? What, what, WHAT were you thinking?" Big Al asked Gakupo.

"She wanted to come meet me! She thinks that i'm her Prince Charming and that we will live happily ever after with my harem!" Gakupo yelled sexily. Big Al just pulled out his rhinestone-encrusted cell phone.

"That's it, i'm calling the police. That's straight-up kidnapping and sexual abuse of a minor," Big Al said to Gakupo. "Yes, police? Yes, please send some cops - no, a whole SWAT team - over to the mansion of Duke Venomania. He has been kidnapping girls, and at least one of them is a little girl. Good. Thanks for sending help. Buh-bye."

Big Al hung up.

"So... Can I tell my childhood sweetheart I love her before I go to jail?" Gakupo asked Big Al as he hugged Gumi close to him.

"Really, Gakupo? You're gonna tell her you love her after all that and expect her to care? Idiot," Big Al said. (1)

"But, I really do love her, and she loves me! Gumi is not shallow like all the other girls I fu[bleep]ked!" Gakupo cried.

"Look, Gackt, false idealism only worked for the first five women. It doesn't work now," Big Al said as some sirens began wailing in the background. Big Al turned to the harem. "Come on, ladies, we're leaving this pervert and we're gonna go get some smoothies."

"Can I have one last smoothie with the one I love?" Gakupo asked as the sirens grew louder, signaling that the SWAT team was arriving.

"No, you can't come, you stupid bitch," Big Al said before he and the harem exited the manor. Big Al turned his head to the audience (as in, the readers of this fic).

"He's a stupid bitch," Big Al said before leaving the manor with the girls.

**Fin.**

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><p><strong>Ending Note:<strong> This is why I can't write Vocaloid fanfiction while listening to Flogging Molly's "Drunken Lullabies" and watching Sassy, Gay Friend.

**(1) - This line that Big Al says was a comment I found while browsing the comments for the "Madness of Duke Venomania" video.**

**Review this fic, since it had Kamui Gakupo.**


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